Thursday, August 25, 2005

harsh judgments

during the past 14 days i lost another six pounds. this was not without beautiful effort and celebrated achievement. i have reached a new plateau.

i have sometimes been faithful to a fitness program (but while eating ferociously) and have other times been dedicated to a diet (but while neglecting to work out). now, finally, i have stepped into this space of merging my fitness program with a committed nutrition plan. i am becoming whole. and i am losing weight. i have 8 1/4 pounds more to lose but i know all i have to do is continue the path i am on. this is not a diet but is a way of living that will continue for all my days. i love my morning mileage and my evenings with my weights. and in the days after labor day i will start swim lessons* with a personal coach in early morning hours (at six a.m., no less!). i could not be more pleased.

but back to the newly lost six pounds, which brings to eighteen pounds my weight loss since year before last. suddenly in my morning walks men are honking as they drive by and i cannot help but think of the difference a few pounds make in the eyes of the world. i think of the harshness with which i have believed men to judge me.

and i think of how i have viewed my own self.

while it might be true that men, perhaps even many men, have judged me harshly in light of a magazine's cover...

it may also be true...

that i have been harshest of all...

~ ~ ~
*i simply must give thanks for this wonderful new gift. a man called my office, having heard i long to become a swimmer, and offered his best staff to me, gave me v.i.p status, and granted me an employee's discount. this is a beautiful gift from the Universe...

2 comments:

Philosophical Oration said...

Do you have a picture? I think older women are hot, I bet you are. And we judge ourselves harshest. I hope you like the honks, it is always neat when you feel that burning sensation called pride that your hardwork is paying off in the fact that others see it too.

diana christine said...

well, thank you for your vote of confidence. yes, it is lovely to be appreciated...