Saturday, January 21, 2006

today's meditations

i went into the silence today deeper than i've ever gone before. i use earplugs and have several kinds, having purchased those with the highest decibels in noise reduction rating. i seek deep silence.

i meditated a little at first, then settled into sleep, profound sleep. when i awakened i was in the deepest silence i have known, silence so deep it surrounded me, enveloped me. it felt thick, like i could touch it. the silence was so intense it seemed loud, and yet it was so quiet i could hear my own pulse. i lay still. i stayed for two hours, not wanting to leave.

a little later this same day i am in a different meditation. i have choir music playing from my stereo, hearing beautiful sacred sounds without words. (there are some words being sung, though not in english so i am not interrupted by my own interpretation. mostly the music is simply sacred sound.) i had been writing at my keyboard but the music called me to stop everything and simply be with the music.

i lie flat on the floor with my arms over my head. i follow my Guidance, knowing even the direction of my position creates a specific flow of energy. lying with my arms over my head opens me to a very different spiritual place from that of having my arms lying at my sides. with my arms over my head i am more open, more receiving. i am covered with a small wool blanket i bought in scotland and it shields me from the cool air. i lie flat on the floor and allow the music to carry me. i am in meditation.

lying here i begin to feel my own attachments, my own holding on, though to what i am not completely certain and it seems i don't need to know. i am simply aware of residues of my own holding on and i am called to let go, release my own hold on life, my own expectations, my own demands, my wants, my needs. let go. just receive. life is about trust, for in trusting the Universe there is no need for my own grip. tears run down my face as i go deeper into this practice. i am feeling very subtle pieces of my own insides that grip life and i am called to let go. i follow the calling and practice the feeling of letting go. i realize i will apply this same feeling later when i recognize something specific i am clinging to. for now i am in the practice of letting go. i am broken. i am open. i am crying. i am cleansed.

2 comments:

cindy lee said...

What a beautiful description of your experience, I relate to those similar feelings in meditation, reminding myself that's it's ok to completely release myself into my meditation, if I do, incredible things lay waiting.

diana christine said...

cindy lee ~ i, too, have had to remind myself it's ok to release myself completely into my meditations. in the past i held back in hesitation for where it might lead me.

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