Monday, February 20, 2006

lover and beloved

for the past month i have been considering a thing and wondering how to open its discussion. perhaps it is time to attempt words for what i feel. i walk softly and gently through this serious conversation for i seek never to question or judge another's path. yet my truth calls for my courage to share my views even while i honor and respect your own. i walk lovingly and carefully.

a friend of mine seeks to become enlightened, longing for it so much that it diminishes (or at times even obliterates) other experiences in her life. she wants to transcend desire and suffering, and she seeks to live in a complete state of Godliness. it feels to me that more than seeking to be in communion with God or know God, she longs to become God. this passion sometimes diminishes her human experience.

i have watched her with her desire to be more spiritual, to be deeper, to be more holy. her desire to be more Godly feels to me like a desire to be "more" and the desire to be "more" is a desire to be "different." a desire to be "different" is a rejection of what one is. rejection is an aggression against one's own self, and it seems to me there is nothing less Godly than rejection. God is Love, pure Love, and love is nothing if it is not acceptance...

someone once said to me, "to think i am not enough for this moment is a form of self-pity, a belief in insufficiency and want. to think that doing more is an answer turns spiritual practice into a form of athletics. to want to be further along one's own path is a form of greed. it is placing a goal above the process of achieving the goal. if i do not love the Path, if i am not following my Bliss, i will never make the Destination."

it seems to me the Destination cannot be the destination, but rather, the Path must be the destination.

this feels like a paradox. wanting to become enlightened is in a way counter to becoming enlightened. to become enlightened calls for letting go of the passionate desire to become so. but then how does one become what one stops longing to become? (the difficulty for me is finding words for this.) it works similarly to acceptance of one's self while at the same time continuing in self improvement; there is a way of fully embracing acceptance while at the same time continuing the path toward improvement. (acceptance means deeply and fully receiving a thing.) there is a way of letting go of longing to be enlightened while at the same time continuing to become more enlightened. the Spirit does not forget the longing.

it seems to me enlightenment is not about becoming enlightened but is about coming to the realization that we already are.

i grieve when i am in the presence of people who desperately long for greater enlightenment. i sorrow for the look in their eyes of wanting to be so much more.

sometimes someone loves a thing so much she wants to consume or become the very thing she loves. sometimes we (in human form) love God so much we long to become God (in pure form).

we are the Beloved of God. God is the Lover and we, the Beloved. God loves us and experiences life through us and through our lives. if we long to merge with God (the Lover), we seek to deny God our human form (the Beloved). how can we deny God His or Her Beloved? and yet, Lover and Beloved are One...

our work is to become ever more conscious, ever more aware, ever more enlightened while at the same time placing our highest honor on being in human form, in all of our perceived imperfections and necessary struggles, even in our perceived darkness. and our most important work is being exactly who we are.

photography by permission cindy lee jones

1 comment:

Jon said...

Everything you said is true. The "seeking sickness" is subtle and insidious. I succumbed for years and my teacher was largely able to cure me of it.

We want the experiences, the feeling of transformation, all of that, and the blessed experiences we have can hook us on the trap of seeking the big E.

But what is it, except realizing our own nature? There's nowhere to go, and nothing to do. It's not just in us, it is us, and there is nothing else. Yet how artfully we hide ourSelf from ourselves, and through nothing so much as fear and wanting.