a man in atlanta

i’m in atlanta. last week i taught a course in las vegas, and this week i am in atlanta.

on sunday morning past, i walked about to explore my temporary neighborhood for where i might find fresh fruit, brown rice, tofu, or steamed vegetables (i don’t often find these in my lovely hotels). as i was walking about, a man approached me, and as soon as he caught my attention, he begged me to hear him out. “please,” he implored, “i am not a panhandler, but i need to ask you something.” i smiled at him and listened. he explained his situation of being diagnosed with pancreatitus, now needing to have a prescription filled and finding himself $6 short, thus needing my help. “i am not asking you for the entire $6, just something to help with part of it, and i will find others to help with the rest.” he explained that due to his condition he usually could not work, that he was subject to bouts of nausea and vomiting. he was as nervous as my conference attendees will be today when they must present a business case to finish their course. his hands were shaking and he was breaking into a sweat and had to pause for a moment to compose himself before he continued. “i have the prescription here so you can see….” he held out a piece of paper to me. i didn’t have my glasses on and, well, i didn’t need to see his papers anyway. where has it ever been indicated that the Universe’s request for generosity and an open heart needs to be supported with proof or documentation? i didn’t need his papers. i had in front of me an opportunity to be kind, generous, and loving. i quietly reached into my handbag and pulled out a ten-dollar bill, folded it into a tiny bit and slipped it into his hand. (i didn’t think it needed to be apparent to others walking about that i was helping this man; he was embarrassed enough to be asking for help.) oh, my goodness, he was so grateful and so shocked i thought he was about to pee his pants. tears filled his eyes, a rush of words ran from his lips…he explained that he had just asked for help from church people leaving their morning worship service and they had chastised him, told him he should be working, that he should not be begging. he was humiliated and devastated to be shunned by church people.

there are those who would respond to my story by asking me how do i know he was telling the truth? how do i know he won’t spend the money on alcohol or drugs? i don’t know. and it is my understanding that i don’t need to know. my work on my path is to give to the poor; his work on his path is to use wisely what is given to him. i am called to be loving and open-hearted. i am not commissioned to be his judge.

the man said he will not forget me, not for as long as he lives. he said it is my smile, and my acceptance in listening to him and not pushing him away, that he will remember the most. and you know, i believe he is telling the truth. he will not forget that on a hot day in downtown atlanta, for a moment he was heard and accepted and given to. he will remember.

surrendered

perhaps my greatest courage is in my moments of surrender to the present moment, surrender to what the Universe has for me, surrender to what wants to be, and opening to it joyfully and expectantly.

i would love for life to meet my expectations; i would like to be everything i ever wanted to be--be as good as i've wanted to be, do wonderful things i have imagined, have beautiful things i have dreamed of. i've worked hard, struggled, tried to pay my way. but just when i think i can figure things out, make it all come together, i feel my intuitions calling me to greater surrender, greater letting go.

not letting go in a way of giving up, but letting go into trust, expectation that the Universe has far more to offer than i can ever come up with on my own. surrender is only part of the work. the other part is in being open, expectant, and receiving. perhaps it is the greater part.

my meditations now are to hold my openness to the Unknown, and hold it with surrender and expectation.

i will let you know how this unfolds....

the path

finding our way is the purpose of our path.

“If you see your path laid out in front of you -- step one, step two, step three -- you only know one thing... it is not your path. Your path is created in the moment of action. If you can see it laid out in front of you, you can be sure it is someone else's path. That is why you see it so clearly.”

-- Joseph Campbell

photography by diana christine

taking in light

it's a simple act, really, yet profound. my friend plucks a tomato from her garden and hands it to me and i take a bite.

it's not the kind of garden you might be envisioning, just a few bits of basil and parsley and tomatoes in between coleus and lamb's ear and morning glory in the front yard of her suburban home. but no matter its unlikely setting, the tomato is a rich, ripe offering from the earth.

the juicy bite is hot, still resonating with the brilliance of the sun, and i suddenly realize i have just taken in light.

tell me, can anything i buy in a supermarket give me this?

photography by permission

cindy lee jones

loving another

not long ago i began to notice oft-repeated whispers in my poetry that reflect how i am nourished by the love i feel for someone else. it seems to me i am fed…nurtured…fulfilled by the love i feel for someone, that it is not only the “other” who receives the love that i feel. i can adore you, admire you, take joy in you and cherish you, but in so doing, i receive from the love i feel. i am nourished by loving you. this is why falling in love feels so very good.

as i pondered these things it began to seem to me that perhaps i am the only one who can be nourished by the love i feel. after all, no matter what loving, affectionate, tender, or generous things i may say or do for you because of how i feel, in the end it is only i who feels the love i feel for you (as well you are the only one who feels the love you feel for me). we are the love we feel for someone else.

love is a nourishing river and its holder becomes the luxuriant ground made sodden. soaked we become in our own affections.

if this be so, there be no existence, then, of such that is called “unrequited love.” there is no “unreturned” love, for we receive only from the love that we feel within our own inside.

for those longing or desperately seeking to find love, all that is needed is for us to love. as long as we “look” for something or someone outside of us to make us feel loved, it will elude us.

our joy is in the loving…our work is to go forth and find that which we love, as life abounds with so much beauty, so much treasure, so much opportunity for us to pour out ourselves in our loving. and in the pouring out, we are loved.

my wish for you is that you find some thing, some one, some place, some part of life to love deeply and purely. and in your loving, you will be nurtured and fed.

photography by permission

graham jeffrey

trust

when i was a little girl, i learned in mathematics that if it is true that a equals b and it is also true that b equals c, then it must be so that a equals c. i loved the little equation, and its rhythm became a spiritual truth for me. (i referred to this equation once before in a post in december 2006.)

i now read my words in yesterday's writing, my writing of courage. i wrote...if God is worth believing in, then God is worth trusting in...how can i claim belief in Him without trusting Him with my life?

we know it is true that God is Good, God is Love, God is Truth, God is Light, God is Life, and God is within my own self. is it not also true, then, that i can substitute any of these words that equal God and come to a greater, deeper truth? such as this...

if Good is worth believing in, then Good is worth trusting in...

or

if Love is worth believing in, then Love is worth trusting in... and... how can i claim belief in Love without trusting Love with my life?

i trust Love...

i trust the Truth, i trust the Light, and i trust Life...

and then...

i step into the Unknown, knowing if i am worth believing in (after all, God and the Universe are within me), then i am worth trusting in...and i trust Me with my own life...











photography by permission
graham jeffrey

courage

i gather my courage
like proper robes
that cloak me
that warm me
that protect me
from bitter winds

i step
into the Unknown
knowing
if God is worth believing in
then God is worth trusting in
and how can i claim belief in Him
without trusting Him with my life?

if courage were not called for
and my robes not needed
what would be the gift in that?

the winds of uncertainty
the chill of fear
they have no hold on me
for i have been dressed
in the best the Universe has to offer
and that of my own valor

photography by permission

by cindy lee jones

ellen bass

sometimes i carry poetry with me, little treasures for me to read during my travels or in moments that i find myself waiting for my name to be called or my number to come up. today i carry words on a crumpled piece of paper in my purse, words written by a brand-new poet (brand new for me). the poet's name is ellen bass and i've known of her for only a few days (thank you my dear kaveri). i read ellen's poems aloud and i read them silently to myself. i read them slowly. i read them carefully. i read her poems and every time i do, i cry.

if you do not know the writing of ms. ellen bass, then please allow me the honor to introduce you to her verse.

If You Knew

What if you knew you'd be the last
to touch someone?
If you were taking tickets, for example,
at the theater, tearing them,
giving back the ragged stubs,
you might take care to touch that palm,
brush your fingertips
along the life line's crease.

When a man pulls his wheeled suitcase
too slowly through the airport, when
the car in front of me doesn't signal,
when the clerk at the pharmacy
won't say Thank you, I don't remember
they're going to die.

A friend told me she'd been with her aunt.
They'd just had lunch and the waiter,
a young gay man with plum black eyes,
joked as he served the coffee, kissed
her aunt's powdered cheek when they left.
Then they walked half a block and her aunt
dropped dead on the sidewalk.

How close does the dragon's spume
have to come? How wide does the crack
in heaven have to split?
What would people look like
if we could see them as they are,
soaked in honey, stung and swollen,
reckless, pinned against time?

--Ellen Bass

photography by permission
cindy lee jones

back again

i have been absent for a long time and i apologize for so lengthy a departure. i am sorry i have not stayed in touch.

my travels have taken me across the country several times and up and down the west coast. my eyes have beheld wonders of mountains and plains, deserts and lakes, meadows and snow fields. in my many flights i've sat with my nose pressed to the airplane window that i not miss a single breathtaking view. i had my first visit to the splendor of the northwest and repeat visits to the soft embrace of the southwest and the midwest. during the past weeks i saw incredible strength and beautiful bravery in the ordinary people around me, in the native american healer serving his people and organizing a mission, in the 30-year-old iron woman athlete flying across the country seeking a doctor to diagnose her unexplained illness, in the breast cancer survivor traveling to care for her ailing father, in the 12-year-old student traveling to speak before congress in washington. to everyone i met, i thank you for the privilege to be witness to your beauty and your strength. i wish you continued blessings in all you do.

to those of you who wrote to me expressing that you miss me or inquiring into my wellbeing, i thank you. and to you, who has never commented or written but you read me every day, i thank you. thank you for your commitment. thank you for your faithfulness. thank you for your presence. even in your silence, your presence is a contribution to my world. thank you for the gift of you.

i am happy to be back with all of you. i thought of you often. i missed you too.

diana christine

photography by permission

cindy lee jones

living fully and deeply

during these past weeks i have been deepening the practice of mindfulness, of trust and surrender to the Universe, and in return my life is opening and softening. i have become increasingly more content and ever more calm.

mindfulness, being fully in a moment, is enjoying and appreciating and being with where we are right now and with what we are holding in our hands. feeling what we touch. tasting what is on our tongue. knowing what is right now.

that which is around me is my gift and i want to touch and feel and honor what is given to me. surrender, though, is in not holding tightly, not gripping what has been given. surrender is in holding and loving without grasping, which is resistance. let us love deeply even as we hold softly, loving and letting go.

a beautiful beloved friend recently expressed how it is to love deeply, and his words are so pure i would like to share them with you here.

The Buddhists say the best way to embrace anything in life is to simultaneously embrace that it is already gone. Enjoy the priceless masterpiece in fragile glass today, and experience it deeply and completely, but assume that it has already fallen and shattered.

This attitude encourages deeper living in the moment. If the dream that you have thought waits endlessly and patiently for you (like a vacation in magical France) were to vanish for some unexpected reason (perhaps in the mists of war), what would you do today to make your dream a reality?

If someone close to your heart really was going to be gone tomorrow, what would you say to them today? The question is trite, even banal, but the response is not.

Why not live fully now?