welcome cindy lee jones

those of you who know my work know i am committed to consistency and quality in the photography that graces my site. i adore my artists and love their expressions. you have come to know well the works of graham jeffrey and that of marc goldring, and the occasional work of ron porter.

today i am adding a wonderful lovely artist to my pages. her work is rich and deep and her spirit equally so.

please join me in welcoming the art and photography of cindy lee jones.

cindy, thank you for the beauty you bring to the rest of us and the spirit you bring to the world. thank you for generously allowing your work to accompany my writing.

photography by permission of the artist cindy lee jones

honoring every thing in our lives

we are given
what we are given
to become
what we are meant to become

our truest response
to each event in our lives
is that of honor
our richest answer
to every thing
is gratitude

for our gifts
are reflections
of where we are
and our reflections
provide guidance
to becoming
what we are meant to become

photography by permission of the artist cindy lee jones

the price of doing

i was sick for nearly a week. exhaustion befell me and i then fell into sore throat, sneezing, runny nose and congestion. i knew i became sick in large part due to "overdoing" it. during the night one night i awakened to a spiritual lesson. i must become more aware of the choices i make in how i spend my time. in the same way i constantly make decisions about spending money, acknowledging the price versus value of everything i buy, and the way i choose what to eat and drink in relation to what my body needs, i must increase my awareness of what i do with my energy. everything i do in the physical world carries a price of energy. some of the things i do are life-giving and some are life-taking, but all of them cost energy. even breathing costs me some of my energy to inhale and exhale. it just so happens the energy cost of breathing nets greater energy, so it is a price i am happy to pay.

everything i do costs energy. everything i see and everything i hear costs energy. random behavior, whether it confirms or pulls me from my path, carries a price. a thought costs energy. a worried thought costs more energy. the cost of an angry thought costs even deeper energy. expectation has a cost. stimulation has a pretty high cost in using my energy. if i go to my mailbox, the act requires physical energy (albeit small). receiving mail might bring stimulation that requires more energy even if i am unaware of it. if i find nothing there, possible disappointment costs more energy. therefore, how often i expose myself to stimulation or expectation determines my level of energy required, which then affects my level of stress. stress compounds price so everything then begs deeper energy. we seem to be especially unaware of the energy spent in thinking and feeling, and in seeing, smelling, and tasting the world around us.

a busy life, a noisy life, a cluttered life, requires much energy. doing too much, following too many paths, being pulled into too many directions...this is a price i was paying and my body became ill. what a wonderful wake-up call. and now, let me be ever more conscious in where i put my energy and how i spend my time.

photography by permission cindy lee jones

home

we say
i am at work
i am at school
i am at church
i am at the store
but we say
i am home
knowing
even without recognizing
home is more
what we are
than where

photo by permission marc goldring

once more on intuition

two nights ago a dear young friend of mine called from boston, and he, not knowing of my writing here, began to talk to me about intuition. he said he seems to be disconnected from himself, that nothing seems to be working out and he isn’t feeling any sense of direction. i told him a little about my writing on intuition here and here.

i explained to him how i am honoring my Intuition, learning to trust it and respond to it in a way that it, my Intuition, can also trust me. this dear friend interrupted me and exclaimed, “oh, diana, i have been yelling at it and cursing it and kicking it around! so i’ve been doing this all wrong!”

yes, i said, he has been, for our words and our behavior with our own spiritual parts affect how we become. when we want something to grow and develop, we treat it with nourishment and nurturing, with tenderness and care, not chastisement and cursing. and we find courage to trust it for it to begin to stand on its own. parts of our own selves call for the very same things. just as i learned from the one who showed me how to take myself seriously, i learned to look at my Intuition as a whole (holy) entity deserving of my honor and respect. while it is within me, i address it as its own self.

one more thing i would like to add about intuition...

when i received the unsolicited intuition razor, i cut myself the first time i used it. not just a simple scratch, but a deep wound that bled for hours and left a small scar that remains many weeks later. this is a razor designed to be incredibly safe and it bewilders me today to understand how i could possibly have wounded myself so severely in its first use. but it has become a reminder that we are sometimes clumsy in the beginning of using something, including our Intuition.

cooking

today i cook. i chop fresh leeks and swiss chard, turn vegetables into broths, and boil white beans and black beans in separate pots. i cut parsley and peppers and measure oregano and thyme. i peel and slice bright green zucchini and open deep-colored eggplant and golden squash. my tomatoes become sauces rich with herbs and spices. i crush fresh walnuts and shred creamy white cheese. i bake pumpkin into breads and turn cornmeal into muffins. my kitchen is steamy and warm and fragrant as i prepare my food for the coming week. cooking has become a ritual, a meditation, a deep joy.

how can it be we live in a culture that has nearly completely separated us from experiencing the source of our nutrition, the same nutrition that will become part of our own body. we don't plant or tend or harvest what we eat, we often don't prepare it with our own hands, and many of us do not consume it in its whole form. we are nearly completely separated from the heart of our food, our earth, our own selves. we have disordered eating and obesity and all manner of indigestion. we have depression and stress and uncertainty. we have lost the sense of being at home in our own skin.

i am intimate with the food i eat. i touch it. i clean it and open it and breathe it in. i prepare it and taste it and savor it as fully as i can. i spend time with it. i honor it and bless it and give thanks for it. and it returns to me the deepest health i have ever known.

and again i give thanks.

photography by permission graham jeffrey

today's meditations

i went into the silence today deeper than i've ever gone before. i use earplugs and have several kinds, having purchased those with the highest decibels in noise reduction rating. i seek deep silence.

i meditated a little at first, then settled into sleep, profound sleep. when i awakened i was in the deepest silence i have known, silence so deep it surrounded me, enveloped me. it felt thick, like i could touch it. the silence was so intense it seemed loud, and yet it was so quiet i could hear my own pulse. i lay still. i stayed for two hours, not wanting to leave.

a little later this same day i am in a different meditation. i have choir music playing from my stereo, hearing beautiful sacred sounds without words. (there are some words being sung, though not in english so i am not interrupted by my own interpretation. mostly the music is simply sacred sound.) i had been writing at my keyboard but the music called me to stop everything and simply be with the music.

i lie flat on the floor with my arms over my head. i follow my Guidance, knowing even the direction of my position creates a specific flow of energy. lying with my arms over my head opens me to a very different spiritual place from that of having my arms lying at my sides. with my arms over my head i am more open, more receiving. i am covered with a small wool blanket i bought in scotland and it shields me from the cool air. i lie flat on the floor and allow the music to carry me. i am in meditation.

lying here i begin to feel my own attachments, my own holding on, though to what i am not completely certain and it seems i don't need to know. i am simply aware of residues of my own holding on and i am called to let go, release my own hold on life, my own expectations, my own demands, my wants, my needs. let go. just receive. life is about trust, for in trusting the Universe there is no need for my own grip. tears run down my face as i go deeper into this practice. i am feeling very subtle pieces of my own insides that grip life and i am called to let go. i follow the calling and practice the feeling of letting go. i realize i will apply this same feeling later when i recognize something specific i am clinging to. for now i am in the practice of letting go. i am broken. i am open. i am crying. i am cleansed.

our essence

searching in all the wrong places
people everywhere
are looking for love

when we understand
we seek
that which we are

we discover
what we are
is love

photography by permission

of the artist graham jeffrey

health

january 20, 2006

today i am honoring beautiful health.

i spent part of today in the hospital in medical tests, not for any current symptoms or injuries, but in follow-up to illnesses ten years ago. my doctors insisted i have gone too many years without checking my progress so i submitted to their tests. i expected the outcome that followed. after i awakened from their anesthesia, they told me what i already knew, that i have beautiful health. perfect, in fact.

ten years ago i lived the american lifestyle. i practiced the habits of most people in my culture and developed medical conditions so common they are barely considered to be aberrant. i was offered medication to "manage" my conditions, but when i left my hospital a decade ago, i determined to find a better way to health than using chemicals that "manage" symptoms. it was the beginning of a journey that led me not only to perfect health, but to a greater connection to my body and my spirit.

i am tempted to make apology for how seemingly slow i was in creating life changes, until i recall i began with no sense of direction, no one to guide me as i started my new life. i struggled to find my way. i had lots of starts and stops but never stopped starting over. today i weigh 21 pounds less than i did at that time (and meet my doctor's goal for me). my blood pressure, my heart rate, and my cholesterol meet medical ideals. i have no traces of any of the problems i lived before (i am writing of my experience in a book-length manuscript). i eat a low-fat, low-sugar, high-fiber diet and consume no meat. i have created a regular physical fitness program i love. i am in spin class and yoga class (adding yoga just this week), i lift weights, and i learn from and practice with a swim coach (i am a beginning swimmer).

just this week i found what seemed to be a small lump in my chest. startled, and a little bit frightened, i investigated further only to discover the same tiny raised area on both breasts. i had found the beginning of muscle development from my new weight-lifting program and i laughed. then i gave thanks.

i love my new life and i enjoy fitting into clothes i couldn't wear for the past seven years. i feel lean and sensuous. but more important than the enjoyment of feeling good in my clothes is something i have not yet found words to describe. my increased health and fitness have brought a deeper connection with spirit and i have come to believe pursuing a life in the Spirit is not without addressing healthful living practices. i am closer to the essence of my own Self without additives, be they in what i consume or be they in extra weight to my body.

and today, a day set apart from others, is a day i celebrate my health.

i give thanks to the Universe, to God, for returning it to me in my efforts, for leading my way.

photo by permission graham jeffrey

meditation

wouldn't it be easy
you might ask
once i find the perfect pitch
to hold that perfect note
all my days

but no
for a hundred different tunes
or a hundred times a hundred
beg me to listen to their own
and i am left to struggle
to hear my song

wouldn't it be easy
you might ask
once i taste the perfect scent
to follow that same fragrance
all my days

but no
for a hundred different smells
or a hundred times a hundred
compel me to indulge
in their own flavors
and i must work to attend
my own sweetness

photography by graham jeffrey